


Featherbeasts and Buzzbugs

by Lyraeon



Series: Fruity Rumpus Afterlife Road Trip [16]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, F/M, Gen, Growing Up is Hard, It's Hard and Nobody Understands, Matchmaking, Meteorstuck, Multi, Puberty, Quadrant Confusion, Quadrant Vacillation, Relationship Problems, Wild Ashen Harlotry, cabin fever, can be read independently of series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-21
Updated: 2013-10-21
Packaged: 2017-12-30 02:27:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1012957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyraeon/pseuds/Lyraeon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"WH4T 1S 1T TH4T YOU H4V3 JOURN3Y3D 4LL TH3 W4Y FROM TH3 RUMPUSBLOCK COLON13S TO SP34K W1TH M3 ABOUT COMM1S1OM3DDL3R M4RY4M?"<br/>"You Need To Stop Flipping Black On Your Matesprit"</p><p>Finding someone to fill painfully vacant quadrants with gets even more complicated when there's only five and a half members of your species left alive.</p><p>In which Kanaya and Terezi have a long talk about the latter's recent treatment of Dave (including but not limited to his recent untimely and unnecessary, albeit temporary, demises) and about growing up, and wind up contemplating just about every remotely plausible relationship opportunity for either of them in the process. A lot more serious than this makes it sound.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Featherbeasts and Buzzbugs

**Author's Note:**

> If you're reading this and you haven't read the rest of the series leading up to it, you'll probably be fine. I try to write these so any context they need is provided within the story, unless it's deliberately a noodle incident.
> 
> If you ARE reading this within FRART, it takes place about a month after "Terezi: Be The Legislacerator You Always Dreamed of Being" and about three months before "Kanaya: Initiate Voyeuristic Gossip Memo" and kind of ties up a lot of the "how did we get from A to B" between them.

You're pretty sure that Dave has actually, really, sincerely forgiven you by now. Or at least as much as Dave can be sincere about anything, and as much someone can forgive someone for killing them. Everyone seems to have forgiven Peixes The Radder, and they didn't even get better. Dave was dead like, three hours tops, and it would have only been an hour like it normally is if things had gone according to plan.

If a bunch of overdramatic corpses can forgive her imperial bitchiness over being dead for like a thousand sweeps within that time, you're pretty sure your matesprit can forgive you for being dead for three hours within four weeks.

You've been on your best behavior since then. It's been hard, because you're not used to basing your behavior around anyone else's standards. Playing by the rules is one thing. You've always done that. But the infuriating thing about Dave - and you can only imagine humans in general - is he doesn't seem to have any rules.

No, that's not true. He has one rule; the rule of cool. The end justifies the means so long as the end in question is suitably awesome. Thing is, his definition of awesome has been getting more and more arbitrary. Or maybe it always has been, and you just didn't notice until it started clashing with yours more and more. You're pretty sure he's lost his sense of humor in the last half a sweep though. It's bad enough that he basically never laughs, even when you can tell he wants to because he's got that approving smirk on and he's doling out high fives the way The Mayor gives out bus passes. Lately, there's no prank you can suggest you two play on the others and no crime you can suggest the scalemates commit that gets his attention. Not even bank heists, and he used to love bank heists.

Yesterday over dinner (the kind where you were dinner - the required group mealtimes are now gone, for obvious reasons) she told you that your Wriggling Day is in about half a perigee. She wondered if you wanted Rose to bake a cake, as she'd done for hers a while back.

You accepted, but you still wish she hadn't brought it up. Somehow, turning 7 sweeps just makes everything worse in your mind. Back on Alternia, it'd only be one more sweep before you'd be considered an adult, with all the responsibilities that entailed, including getting carted off to play your part in the empire's never-ending siege and filling your quadrants before the drones came knocking. It was a world of law, albeit not order, and you planned on making it your bitch as quickly as possible.

That is, presuming you didn't get culled for your disability first. You've always kind of figured you wouldn't make it to 8 sweeps, and by now whatever hope the game originally gave you of changing that fate seems lost anyway. You're turning 7 halfway through a sweep-and-a-half long trip to certain doom, after all, and unlike your human boyfriend, you've got no way to get better.

And yet here you are, trying to mope, trying to let yourself process the reasons you're upset and maybe make some headway on it so that you can decide what exactly it is making you want to kill your matesprit so often lately, and instead you're suddenly descending into giggle fits because you've once again realized that the plastic cup filled with orange soda sitting nearby is just about the right scale compared to your scalemates...

DAVE: jegus tz  
DAVE: you ok over there  
DAVE: i cant tell if youre having an asthma attack or just pretending not to laugh about some dumb immature sex joke

And then you're not laughing anymore, because there it is, that word again, the one you've been slapped with more and more lately.

DAVE: but if its a joke you gotta tell me so i can gross karkat out later k

Immature. Something which Dave clearly is, and you clearly are, but gog damn't you're literally a bunch of teenagers trapped in a video game, you're pretty sure you should be allowed to be.

Except you sort of feel like you've been left in everyone's dust.

DAVE: or not thats cool too  
DAVE: ill just sit here in out of the loopsville  
DAVE: which honestly this subdivision kind of is i mean we forgot to give the highway an exit over here  
DAVE: im gonna fix that  
DAVE: pass me some black chalk  
DAVE: and maybe some grey might as well put in a bus stop while im at it  
DAVE: tz  
DAVE: babe  
DAVE: chalk please?  
DAVE: hello?  
DAVE: yo terezi  
DAVE: asteroid to terezi come in terezi do you copy  
DAVE: damnt did you go deaf on me now too  
DAVE: this is why those headphones came with that warn-

You throw the black chalk at him, not really caring if it hits him or not. He catches it, so you throw the grey too, which gets him so hard in the cheek that part snaps off. A frown flashes across his face, just for half a second, and you feel a jolt of adrenaline run through you. A smirk crosses your own mouth, just as fleeting, and you start to reach for another piece, only for your fingers to find your cane instead.

DAVE: ow  
DAVE: shit what was that for  
DAVE: if it was the blind joke im sorry

The adrenaline gives way to sudden horror as you manage to process the situation. You still grab your cane, but you use it only to push yourself to your feet and turn toward the door.

DAVE: whoa whats wrong  
DAVE: where ya goin   
TEREZI: 1 DONT F33L SO GOOD  
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK K4N4Y4 DR4NK TOO MUCH L4ST N1GHT   
DAVE: oh  
DAVE: ew  
DAVE: ok

And like that, he believes your lie, because what reason would his girlfriend have to lie to him about something. Unless, of course, she was an immature wiggler with no hold on her own emotions.

You spend the whole walk back to your respiteblock secretly half-hoping Gamzee will suddenly flip out and kill you so you can go join Vriska's crazy suicide mission because you're sick of the one you're on.

\--

You manage to spend the next two wake cycles avoiding everyone but The Mayor. Dave drops by twice to ask if you want to watch some dumb earth movie, but absconds quickly when you tell him no and ask why he couldn't have just messaged you if that was all he wanted. At this rate you're probably going to have to apologize for avoiding him within another night or two.

Hopefully some time alone working on can town's infrastructure will help clear your mood. It may have been something-teen perigees now, but you're still honestly not used to having people around so steadily; back home it was weekly FLARPing sessions with Vriska and the occasional surprise visit from Nepeta when her hunting brought her near your side of the forest, but otherwise it was just you and your scalemates. By now your respiteblock is almost as much of a maze of colors as Can Town, but somehow, even with The Mayor asleep on a checkered cot in the far corner and the familiar ripe cherry of Dave's shirt on your arms, you feel far more secluded here than there. Maybe it's the distance of this room from the rest of the lab, or how quiet it is being away from the near-constant babble of the TV and drone of the generators.

It's easy to be alone here.

Except that right now, it seems you have company.

TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU W4NT

You ask her before she has a chance to even greet you. While her appearance had been silent (accursed drinker sneakiness) you could smell her standing just outside the door for the last minute, glancing around the room, clearly looking for something. It couldn't be Rose, half because Rose rarely comes to Can Town and half because barring a fight - and that's only happened once - Kanaya always comes right out and asks if it's Rose she's looking for. You're not exactly hard to see, at least as far as you know, considering you're the only bright red dragon in the room's soft blues and purples. You've been considering changing that for a couple days, giving the place a nice firestorm, but it's only been a couple weeks since the last natural disaster and The Mayor likes to keep things to a two disaster a perigee maximum.

(You ran out of that green apple human candy that snaps in your mouth a while back, and it was the only tool you had to bribe him into changing such rules. A grave oversight. To remain firmly in control of the law, one must be willing to bend the law, and to bend it, one must have the proper tools. You can only hope the human tradition of Halloween occurs again soon and that Dave provides you with more.)

So clearly, since Karkat's even less likely to show up in Can Town and you're not entirely sure Kanaya and The Mayor have actually acknowledged each other ever since she offered to make him something a little nicer to wear and he adamantly refused, she's looking for Dave. And since she's trying to avoid you _noticing_ she's looking for him, she's actually looking for his absence.

It's not your night on the menu, so she obviously wants her other sustenance. 

She's here to meddle.

KANAYA: Are You Implying I Cannot Have Decided To Seek Other Company While Rose Is Taking An Extended Effervescent Ablution   
TEREZI: YOU COULD B3  
TEREZI: BUT TH4T WOULD R3QU1R3 BUBBL3 B4THS TO ST1LL B3 4 SOLO 4CT1V1TY FOR 31TH3R ON3 OF YOU  
TEREZI: WH1CH TH3Y H4V3 NOT B33N FOR S3V3R4L P3R1G33S

You can't help but smirk in satisfaction when you're met with silence and a slight increase in mintiness from Kanaya in response to your allegations.

TEREZI: 4LSO 1 KNOW FOR 4 F4CT TH3 TUB 1S ST1LL F1LL3D W1TH CHOCOL4T3 PUDD1NG  
TEREZI: UNL3SS SOM3ON3 F1GUR3D OUT HOW TO DR41N 1T WH1L3 1 W4S 4SL33P   
KANAYA: Pudding This Time?   
TEREZI: K4RK4T ONLY TOLD D4V3 TO N3V3R 4G41N F1LL 1T W1TH J3LLO OR SMUPP3TS B3FOR3 H1S TURN  
TEREZI: NOTH1NG W4S SP3C1F13D 1N R3G4RDS TO PUDD1NG   
KANAYA: A Foolish Lack Of Forethought On Karkats Part   
TEREZI: T3RR1BLY FOOL1SH 1ND33D  
TEREZI: 3NOUGH CH1TCH4T  
TEREZI: WH4T BR1NGS YOU TO MY OFF1C3

She sighs the way she always sighs when there's no easy way for her to lie about her intentions, which is virtually always if you're involved. Somehow, she can still pull the woolbeast fluff over Dave and Karkat's eyes more often than not, and while as her matesprit Rose is basically obligated to go along with her elongated paths to the point, you've long since stopped being sure if Kanaya knows Rose is only playing along or not. Sometimes the layers of feigned ignorance in their conversations seem deeper than even those of Dave's irony. You've given up trying to actually listen to or understand them, except when they're clearly only doing it to annoy one of the boys. Especially because the way neither of them can be quite open or honest about anything always gives you disgustingly grey feelings somewhere in your gut, and you've got no room to be trying to fix anyone else's relationship.

You feel the chalk in your hand snap under the grip of your thumb, and realize you're glaring right in the direction of where Dave was seated yesterday.

No room.

You put that piece down, pick up the yellow instead. Human roads all have strange center lines that their vehicles avoid, rather than guidelines they straddle. Conceptually it's stupid, but you like the aesthetic, so you start dotting the thoroughfare by your right knee.

A few meters away, Kanaya is still fretting at the ends of her no-longer-quite-long-enough sleeves and avoiding looking in your direction.

TEREZI: 1F YOU 4R3 W41T1NG FOR M3 TO OFF3R YOU 4 S34T 1 4M 4FR41D YOU W1LL F1ND C4N TOWNS NO FURN1TUR3 ORD1N4NC3 1S ST1LL F1RMLY 1N 3FF3CT   
KANAYA: The Floor Will Do Just Fine  
KANAYA: I Was Just Considering Whether To Request We Have This Conversation In A More Private Venue   
TEREZI: 1TS STORY N1GHT  
TEREZI: N31TH3R OF TH3 BOYS W1LL B3 1NT3RRUPT1NG US   
KANAYA: You Mean The Night Karkat Is Very Certain None Of Us Are Aware Of Including Myself Despite The Obvious Scheduling Pattern And His Recent Increase In Requests For Book Suggestions?   
TEREZI: TH3 V3RY S4M3

She hesitates still before sitting down, just long enough for your certainty meter to tip from "dead" to "mummified". She's not just here for her periodic fill of general checkup meddling, oh no. Something's piqued her interest and now she just won't be satisfied until she's sunk her fangs into it and sucked out all the drama. She's - gag - _worried_ about you, you're sure of it.

KANAYA: Im Not Sure How To Encroach Upon The Subject  
KANAYA: But I Am Somewhat Worried About You As Of Late

You hope your groan is loud enough that she can imagine the eye rolling to go with it.

TEREZI: 1 PROM1S3 1 4M M33T1NG 4LL OF MY NUTR1T1ON4L N33DS  
TEREZI: TH3R3 W1LL NOT B3 4 R3P34T 1NC1D3NT   
KANAYA: As Relieved As I Am To Hear Such Assurances That Is Not My Present Concern   
TEREZI: 1F 1 SM3LL LOUSY 1 BL4M3 D4V3  
TEREZI: H3 TOLD M3 H3 W4SH3D TH1S SH1RT B3FOR3 G1V1NG 1T TO M3 BUT YOU KNOW HOW H3 C4N B3 4BOUT L4UNDRY   
KANAYA: Well The Subject Is Indeed Related To Dave But Fortunately Your Odor Is Not A Problem At The Present Time   
TEREZI: UGH  
TEREZI: 1F H3 1S D34D 4G41N 1 PROM1S3 1 D1DNT DO 1T  
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 ONLY K1LL3D H1M ONC3 S1NC3 TH3 H4NG1NG 4ND TH4T W4S 4 L3G1T1M4T3 STR1F3  
TEREZI: H3 RUL3D H1S D34TH 4N 4CC1D3NT 4ND M3 NOT GU1LTY H1MS3LF!   
KANAYA: While I Am Glad To Hear That-   
TEREZI: 4ND 4NYW4Y 1TS ST1LL H1S F4ULT  
TEREZI: H3S TH3 ON3 WHO 4CT3D L1K3 TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG W4S ON3 B1G JOK3  
TEREZI: H3 TR34TS 3V3RYTH1NG 4S 4 JOK3! H3 H4S NO R3SP3CT FOR TH3 S3R1OUSN3SS NOR S4NCT1TY OF TH3 L4W!  
TEREZI: 1 JUST W1SH H3 H4D L34RN3D H1S L3SSON >:[   
KANAYA: …  
KANAYA: Well  
KANAYA: In All Honesty  
KANAYA: This Is Exactly What I Wanted To Speak To You About

Your palm hits your forehead.

Way to dig your own grub disposal pit there. Way to put yourself on the bottom of the resulting cull heap.

TEREZI: 4RGH  
TEREZI: 1 DONT C4R3 WH4T K1NKY STUFF YOUR STUP1D NOV3LS T3LL YOU K4N4Y4  
TEREZI: BUT GO1NG 4SH3N ON 4 FLUSH3D COUPL3 1S NOT NORM4L  
TEREZI: 1F YOU 4R3 SO D3SP3R4T3 TO F1LL 4NOTH3R QU4DR4NT WHY DONT YOU M4K3 K4RK4T 4N HON3ST TROLL S1NCE H1S P4L3 1NF1D3L1TY 1S G3TT1NG H1L4R1OUSLY BL4T4NT   
KANAYA: I Assure You That My And Karkats Relationship Is Exclusively Friendly  
KANAYA: While He May Choose To Emotionally Vent To Me At Times There Is No Physical Contact That Is Not Necessary For Feeding   
TEREZI: DO NOT PL4Y DUMB W1TH M3  
TEREZI: 1 4M W3LL 4W4R3 OF TH3 M4NY HOURS YOU TWO SP3ND ON TROLL14N 4ND OF YOUR C4R3FULLY 4ST3R1SK3D P4PS  
TEREZI: ONL1N3 CH34T1NG 1S ST1LL CH34T1NG   
KANAYA: What  
KANAYA: We  
KANAYA: I  
KANAYA: Where Was That Mindset When You Began Flirting With Dave While Still Romantically Entangled With Karkat   
TEREZI: 4 L1TTL3 STR4T3G1C 1M4G3 M4N1PUL4T1ON TO G41N TH3 TRUST OF 4NOTH3R SP3C13S 1S T4CT1C4L W4RF4R3 NOT FL1RT1NG  
TEREZI: 4ND CH4NG1NG TH3 SUBJ3CT W1LL NOT H1D3 YOUR D1G1T4L 1ND1SCR3T1ONS FROM TH3 K33N NOS3 OF TH3 L4W

You grin, shaking the yellow chalk at her sternly. Another conversation successfully redirected.

KANAYA: Alright Have It Your Way  
KANAYA: I Admit That I Find Karkat To Be

The words catch in her throat for several seconds, like it hurts for her to actually say them and her lips are doing their best to keep from spilling her secrets. You can't help but feel a little excited; for all your teasing, and despite how long you've suspected it, you never expected her to actually confess!

KANAYA: Pitiable  
KANAYA: ...Rather Intensely So   
TEREZI: M1SS M4RYAM! SUCH 4 BOLD 4DM1SS1ON  
TEREZI: 1 D1D NOT TH1NK YOU H4D 1T 1N YOU!   
KANAYA: But I Sincerely Doubt He Shares My Sentiments  
KANAYA: And His Loyalty To That Awful Clown Is Quite Admirable Regardless  
KANAYA: Not To Mention Any Such Relationship Would Be Very One Sided And I Fear I Would Spoil Him And Not Be Comfortable Letting Him Reciprocate   
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: OH MY GOG  
TEREZI: H4H4H4H4H4H4  
TEREZI: YOUV3 4CTU4LLY THOUGHT 4BOUT TH1S H4V3NT YOU   
KANAYA: No I Havent!  
KANAYA: Nothing Specific At Least  
KANAYA: Just Well  
KANAYA: As You Know We All Have Very Limited Options On This Voyage And So After Half A Sweep I Think We Have All Considered Things We Would Not Otherwise Consider   
TEREZI: UGH T3LL M3 4BOUT 1T   
KANAYA: And Matters Are Even More Complicated For Us Since We Chose To Become Involved With Aliens   
TEREZI: …  
TEREZI: Y34H 1 GU3SS SO   
KANAYA: Its Too Bad They Only Experience Romance Of A Red Nature  
KANAYA: I Cant Help But Feel That Limited Experience Must Be Dull   
TEREZI: 1TS WORK3D F1N3 FOR M3 SO F4R

She gives you a skeptical look.

You don't like the unsteady feeling you get when she stares at you like this. You're too used to dealing with the boys and getting your way with ease; even Rose, while not actually affected by your manipulation, tends to let you win out of respect for your effort. But Kanaya is as stubborn as a packbeast and you're hard-pressed to remember an argument with her you've actually won.

That bugs the shit out of you.

You try grinning wider, wonder if you can intimidate her into dropping whatever bullshit she's got planned by giving her the creeps. You're not even wearing your shades today, and that usually helps, even though you're sure you're hard to take seriously with your cape on. Oh well, crazy is more the slant you're going for anyway.

KANAYA: Has It Really?

You wrinkle your nose at her, snarl soundlessly, and wind up realizing the vague key lime you're getting from her face is actually from her eyes. She's barely turned 7 and they're starting to color in already. Go figure, since she's a head and horns taller than you, too.

You catch yourself starting to wonder if, if your eyes weren't burnt out, the first flecks of aqua would be showing up on your irises.

TEREZI: 4ND WH4T TH3 FUCK 1S TH4T SUPPOS3D TO M34N?   
KANAYA: It Was Only A Question   
TEREZI: 1T W4S 4 LO4D3D QU3ST1ON 1F TH3 COURTS H4V3 3V3R H34RD ON3   
KANAYA: Oh Then What Are You Supposing The Ammunition Is   
TEREZI: YOUR SH1TTY M3DDL1NG WH4T 3LS3 WOULD 1T B3   
KANAYA: Hmm  
KANAYA: I Think I May Have Followed That Metaphor Incorrectly  
KANAYA: What I Meant To Ask Was  
KANAYA: Upon Where Are You Presuming I Have Affixed The Concentric Aiming Rings?   
TEREZI: 1M NOT F4LL1NG FOR TH4T  
TEREZI: L4LOND3 H4S B33N 4 HORR1BL3 1NFLU3NC3 ON YOU  
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 SO MUCH MOR3 CONN1V1NG NOW >XP   
KANAYA: Thank You  
KANAYA: Though I Would Like To Think I Have Always Been This Way And We Simply Did Not Converse Enough Prior To This Shared Journey To Be Aware Of Each Others Tendencies   
TEREZI: WH4T3V3R  
TEREZI: W3 H4V3 C1RCL3D TH3 DOCK1NG ST4T1ON FOR F4R LONG3R TH4N N3C3SS4RY  
TEREZI: CL34RLY YOU 4R3 NOT L34V1NG W1THOUT M4K1NG YOUR PO1NT  
TEREZI: WH4T 1S 1T TH4T YOU H4V3 JOURN3Y3D 4LL TH3 W4Y FROM TH3 RUMPUSBLOCK COLON13S TO SP34K W1TH M3 ABOUT COMM1S1OM3DDL3R M4RY4M?   
KANAYA: You Need To Stop Flipping Black On Your Matesprit

Oh.

That was surprisingly to the point.

Enough so that it takes you a few seconds to process and respond, in part because _wow where the fuck did she get the stupid idea you were doing something like that from_. Your response time is embarrassingly slow.

TEREZI: HOW C4N 1 STOP DO1NG SOM3TH1NG WH1CH 1 4M NOT DO1NG TO B3G1N W1TH   
KANAYA: Except You Are   
TEREZI: NO 1M NOT   
KANAYA: You Are And It Is Extremely Obvious To All Of Us   
TEREZI: WHO 1S TH1S "4LL OF US"   
KANAYA: Well Mainly Myself And Karkat  
KANAYA: But Rose As Well Despite Her Still Limited Understanding And-   
TEREZI: SO YOU 4R3 4LL GOSS1P1NG 4BOUT MY R3L4T1ONSH1P B3H1ND MY B4CK   
KANAYA: Need I Remind You That There Is An Entire Memo Board Devoted To Talking About The Boys Behind Their Backs Let Alone That You Were The Creator Of This Board   
TEREZI: TH4TS D1FF3R3NT  
TEREZI: 1 ONLY D1D TH4T TO M3SS W1TH TH3M   
KANAYA: And To Post Your Explicit Imaginings Of Their Pitch Endeavors   
TEREZI: P4RT OF TH3 PL4N!  
TEREZI: TH4T STORY W4S WR1TT3N SOL3LY TO M3SS W1TH TH31R H34DS   
KANAYA: So You Wrote It Ironically?   
TEREZI: UGH Y3S 1 GU3SS TH4T 1S TH3 W4Y TO D3SCR1BE 1T  
TEREZI: TH3 1MPORT4NT P4RT H3R3 1S TH4T 1T WORK3D!  
TEREZI: 1T M4D3 TH3M BOTH SQU1RM SO MUCH  
TEREZI: 4ND TH3N TH3Y COULD NOT LOOK 4T ON3 4NOTH3R FOR S3V3R4L D4YS!  
TEREZI: 1T W4S SO B34UT1FUL   
KANAYA: Well Unlike Your Pure Intentioned Endeavors On The Girls Interest Memo Board I Have Only Discussed Your Situation "Behind Your Back" Because The Others Have Expressed Concern   
TEREZI: WH4T SORT OF CONC3RN   
KANAYA: Put Most Simply And In The Terms It Was Relayed To Me In  
KANAYA: You Are Freaking Dave The Hell Out   
TEREZI: 4444RGH

The yellow chalk shatters in your hand, leaving your palm a custard powdered mess. You drop the chunks in frustration and wipe your hand off roughly on your jeans.

TEREZI: HOW TH3 FUCK 4M 1 FR34K1NG H1M OUT?!  
TEREZI: 1 H4V3NT 3V3N JOK3D 4BOUT K1LL1NG H1M S1NC3 TH3 H4NG1NG  
TEREZI: 1 4POLOG1Z3D UNT1L H3 TOLD M3 TO STOP 4ND 3V3N TH3N 1 ST1LL D1D 4 COUPL3 TIMES  
TEREZI: W3 H4V3NT S3NT3NC3D 4NY CR1M1N4LS TO D34TH 1N W33KS  
TEREZI: H3LL 1V3 B4R3LY 3V3N B1T H1M S1NC3 TH3N   
KANAYA: At The Risk Of Breaking Confidentiality  
KANAYA: I Have Heard That There Have Been Multiple Incidents Including A Very Recent One Of You Throwing Objects At Dave And Storming Out Of The Block   
TEREZI: OH MY GOD  
TEREZI: SO 1 THROW ON3 P13C3 OF CH4LK 4T H1M 4ND H3 T4TTL3S ON M3 TO H1S MO1R41L L1K3 4 W1MPY W1GGL3R?   
KANAYA: I Do Not Think Seeking Advice From Ones Earth Sibling Qualifies As Tattling  
KANAYA: Rather I Believe He Is Trying To Determine If Your Recent Bursts Of Anger Are Quote Just A Girl Thing Or If They Are Somehow His Fault   
TEREZI: 1 H4V3NT B33N M4D TH4T OFT3N   
KANAYA: …  
KANAYA: I Am Afraid I Do Not Have A Long Enough Prodding Apparatus In My Inventory With Which To Safely Interact With That Sort Of Blatant Untruth  
KANAYA: While You Have Not Physically Harmed Him Since His Punishment The Fact Remains That You Have Been Goading Him Into Verbal Sparring Much More Frequently   
TEREZI: 4 L1TTL3 SP1R1T3D PL4TON1C CONT3NT1ON 1S TOT4LLY NORM4L T3RR1TORY 1N 4 H34LTHY M4T3SPR1TSH1P   
KANAYA: Dave Seems To Think So As Well Though In All Fairness Spirited Platonic Contention Is His Primary Modus Of Interacting With Others  
KANAYA: But Objectively Your Behavior Has Lost The Platonic Modifier   
TEREZI: YOU 4ND L4LOND3 TR4D3 1NSULTS SOM3T1M3S   
KANAYA: Quite Rarely  
KANAYA: And There Is A Rather Large Difference Between Playful Banter To Reaffirm Your Status As Intellectual Equals  
KANAYA: Versus The Desire To Shove Someone Up Against The Wall With Your Claws To Their Throat And The Resulting Rush In Your Pump Biscuit As You Watch The Split Second Of Panic In Their Eyes Before You Are Suddenly The One Pinned And The Heated Satisfaction Of Knowing What They Will Probably Do Next   
TEREZI: …  
TEREZI: UH  
TEREZI: WOW  
TEREZI: TH4T W4S  
TEREZI: SURPR1S1NGLY GR4PH1C COM1NG FROM YOU   
KANAYA: Sorry  
KANAYA: I Thought It Necessary To Illustrate My Point  
KANAYA: It Is Not My Own Wording If That Eases Some Of The Awkwardness   
TEREZI: TH4T M1GHT 4CTU4LLY M4K3 1T WORS3  
TEREZI: BUT WH4T 1 R34LLY W4NT TO S4Y 1S TH4T 1 R34LLY DONT F33L 4NY OF

You gesture wildly because screw summarizing her softcore porn.

TEREZI: _TH4T_ TOW4RD D4V3  
TEREZI: 4T L34ST  
TEREZI: NOT MOST OF TH3 T1M3?  
TEREZI: >:T NOW 1 4M WORR13D TH4T P3RH4PS 1 DO ON OCC4S1ON WH3N H3 1S B31NG 3SP3C14LLY FRUSTR4T1NG  
TEREZI: UGH  
TEREZI: OK4Y M1SS SM4RTY HORNS SO TH3R3 1S 4N UNFORTUN4T3 CH4NC3 YOU M4Y B3 R1GHT  
TEREZI: SO 4S S1CK 4S 1 4M OF R3G4RD1NG OTH3RS COUNC1L TH4NKS TO OUR LO4THSOM3 GHOSTLY H1V3GU3STS  
TEREZI: 4S SOM3ON3 MOR3 W3LL R34D ON TH3 SUBJ3CT TH4N 1 WH4T SOLUT1ON DO YOU SUGG3ST   
KANAYA: Well For What Comfort It Will Provide I Believe Your Problem Is Not Necessarily Daves Insolence  
KANAYA: Rather I Think It Is A Product Of Your Age   
TEREZI: 1F YOU 4R3 1MPLY1NG 1M TOO 1MM4TUR3 TO T3LL MY QU4DR4NTS 4P4RT 1 W1LL D1SR3G4RD TH3 HOUR NOT1C3 RUL3   
KANAYA: No It Is Quite The Opposite  
KANAYA: Different Blood Colors Tend To Develop Urges Related To Different Quadrants At Different Times  
KANAYA: For Those Low On The Hemospectrum Cooperation Is More Imperative To Their Survival And So Flushed And Pale Emotions Tend To Develop Earlier While For Highbloods Caliginous Instincts Will Usually Set In First   
TEREZI: 1 4M NOT 3V3N TH4T H1GH

You blink in surprise at your own words, almost missing Kanaya's next line. A sweep ago you would never have dreamed of downplaying what little nobility you can lay claim to. Now lowblood vernacular has overtaken your vocabulary - an attempt at holding on to your troll identity when the humans tend toward blueblood terms? - and "highblood" has slowly become synonymous with "that asshole that lives in the vents".

KANAYA: You Are Still A Blueblood

You will probably outlive the woman in front of you by a century, but at some point you started thinking of her as your equal. Maybe even more than that; she's the one person in this hellhive with her shit together on any consistent basis. A prime example of the maturity you feel certain you should have.

KANAYA: But I Feel As Though Our Proximity On The Hemospectrum Allows Me To Speculate On How  
KANAYA: Uh  
KANAYA: Hormonal You May Have Been As of Recent  
KANAYA: Especially As We Have Both Had One Quadrant Filled Stably For About The Same Period Of Time And That Sort Of Lopsided Filling Tends To Accelerate These Kinds Of Problems   
TEREZI: SO YOUR3 S4Y1NG 1 N33D SOM3ON3 TO G3T MY BL4CK ON W1TH   
KANAYA: That Would Be The Ideal Solution Yes  
KANAYA: But Obviously-   
TEREZI: WHO 3X4CTLY 4M 1 SUPPOS3D TO SOL1C1T  
TEREZI: TH3R3 1S K1ND OF 4N 3X1ST3NC3 W1D3 TROLL SHORT4G3 H4PP3N1NG 1F YOU H4DNT NOT1C3D  
TEREZI: UNL3SS YOUR3 OFF3R1NG BUT 1 C4NT S33 TH4T WORK1NG OUT  
TEREZI: M4YB3 1F 1T W4S DRON3 W33K   
KANAYA: Im Flattered I Merit Even An Offer Of Emergency Pail Filling  
KANAYA: But I Agree That We Are Very Poorly Suited To Each Other In Any Quadrant  
KANAYA: As Such Im Afraid I Am Also Not Qualified To Suggest Potential Rivals For A Lady Of The Law Such As Yourself  
KANAYA: I Can Merely Suggest That You May Have To Consider Those No Longer Living Among Your Options  
KANAYA: At Least As A Temporary Solution  
KANAYA: A Fling To Get It Out Of Your System Until We Arrive At Our Destination   
TEREZI: UGH  
TEREZI: 1 F33L GROSS JUST TH1NK1NG 4BOUT 1T   
KANAYA: What Part?   
TEREZI: 4NY OF 1T!  
TEREZI: CH4LL3NG1NG 4NY OF OUR STUP1D 4LT3RN4T3 4NC3STORS  
TEREZI: G3TT1NG 1NTO 4 M34N1NGL3SS K1SM3S1TUD3 1 H4V3 NO 1NT3NT1ON OF TRY1NG TO M4K3 L4ST  
TEREZI: OR JUST  
TEREZI: H4T1NG D4V3  
TEREZI: 4LL OF 1T SOUNDS JUST 4WFUL   
KANAYA: I Understand Your Frustrations  
KANAYA: Would It Help If I Pointed Out That The Selection Of Dead Trolls Is Not Limited To Our Beforan Counterparts?   
TEREZI: NOT MUCH >:[  
TEREZI: 1 DONT R34LLY C4R3 ON3 W4Y OR 4NOTH3R 4BOUT MOST OF THOS3 4SSHOL3S  
TEREZI: 1F YOU 4R3 TRY1NG TO S4Y 1 SHOULD GO FOR VR1SK4 1LL R3M1ND YOU ONC3 4G41N TH4T 1T W4SNT L1K3 TH4T  
TEREZI: 4ND 3V3N 1F 1T W3R3  
TEREZI: 4ND 3V3N 1F 1 THOUGHT SH3 WOULD FORG1V3 M3 3NOUGH TO TRY  
TEREZI: 1 C4NT ST4ND S331NG H3R FROZ3N 1N T1M3 L1K3 TH4T  
TEREZI: 3V3N WH3N W3 F1RST M3T WH3N W3 W3R3 B4R3LY 3 SW33PS SH3 W4S 4LR34DY T4LL3R TH4N M3  
TEREZI: NOW SH3 JUST LOOKS  
TEREZI: SO T1NY >:/

You turn back toward Kanaya, and for a second you can smell the pity coming off her face so strongly you want to gag and are surprised the whole room doesn't reek of strawberry lusus milk yet. It's bad enough she's chronically ashen toward everyone, you don't need her going pale for you too, especially not now that she's finally admitted her interest in Karkat and he might have a shot at not being such a whiny loser again in the near future. If shit like that happens things will start resembling one of those ridiculous quadrant knots Karkat tries to pass off as reading material. You need to snap her out of it before she gets any _ideas_.

TEREZI: SORRY 1LL STOP BR1NG1NG YOUR 3X3S 1NTO TH3 CONV3RS4T1ON  
TEREZI: 4LL ON3 OF TH3M

That seems to do the trick.

KANAYA: If Were Keeping Score On Failed Romantic Endeavors Perhaps We Should Go Find Karkat And Ask Him How Many Quadrants You Dumped Him In   
TEREZI: OK4Y F1N3  
TEREZI: W3 C4N K33P T4LK1NG 4BOUT HOW YOU TH1NK 1 R34LLY N33D TO G3T H4T3L41D BY GHOSTS  
TEREZI: TH4T SOUNDS L1K3 4 GR34T W4Y TO SP3ND 4N 3V3N1NG   
KANAYA: Now Wait A Moment I Didnt Say That Much   
TEREZI: BUT YOU D3F1N4T3LY M34NT 1T   
KANAYA: No  
KANAYA: I  
KANAYA: Well I Just Meant That Having A Non Platonic Skirmish Or Two Might Help With The Frustration You Feel  
KANAYA: That Is All

Even if she's claiming offhand to know a little bit of what you're going through, you can't help but scoff. Kanaya has never been anything but a pity factory; every time you've seen her hate someone, that someone has wound up with a metaphorical dotted line across their chest labeled _apply chainsaw here_. She can't even see the blatant black tension going between Karkat and Dave as anything except something she might need to step in on, and now she's telling you what might help with your "urges".

You wonder if she realizes how many grub attendant tropes she's playing into. You almost wish you knew how to sew anything besides scalemates so you could make her a habit to fit the part.

TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1 C4N H4NDL3 MY OWN FRUSTR4T1ONS JUST F1N3 TH4NK YOU   
KANAYA: Please Stop Making This Worse Than It Is   
TEREZI: B3C4US3 1M SUPPOS3D TO B3 P34CHY W1TH YOU COM1NG 1N H3R3 4ND T3LL1NG M3 WH4T QU4DR4NTS 1 SHOULD B3 F1LL1NG?  
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT 1 H4D GOTT3N 4W4Y FROM TH4T K1ND OF 3XP3CT4T1ON WH3N OUR UN1V3RS3 BL3W UP  
TEREZI: L34V3 1T TO 4 C4V3RN DW3LL3R TO UPHOLD SOC13T4L ST4ND4RDS 3V3N 1N TH3 VO1D OF P4R4DOX SP4C3!   
KANAYA: This Is Not About Societal Standards Or Tradition Or Even The Resurrection Of Our Race!  
KANAYA: If That Was My Only Concern I Would Not Have Pursued A Relationship With Rose  
KANAYA: If I Believed Her Capable Of Caliginous Feelings I Would Suggest Her As You Are Quite Evenly Matched At Linguistic Trickery  
KANAYA: But She And Need I Remind You Dave As Well Are Both Aliens! Their Hearts Are Simple! They Only Have Relationships With One Person At A Time!  
KANAYA: And I Am Just Trying To Help You Because Both You And To A Lesser Extent Dave Are My Friends And I Would Like To See You Both Happy  
KANAYA: So I Would Very Much Appreciate It If You Could Lay Off The Classist Slurs!   
TEREZI: (...sorry)   
KANAYA: Thank You  
KANAYA: If It Helps The Fact I Will Never See The Breeding Caverns Myself Is A Subject Of Both Frequent Relief And Turmoil  
KANAYA: Life Has Changed Drastically And We Will Need To Take Many Steps If We Are To Revive Our Species  
KANAYA: And Unlike The Humans We Dont Have The Benefit Of Immortality and Limitless Time With Which To Take Those Steps  
KANAYA: But That Is Not My Worry At The Moment  
KANAYA: I Would Simply Like Us All To Reach The Humans New Session Without Losing Our Minds Or Each Other  
KANAYA: So Far Everything Has Gone Well But Its Obvious We Are All Slowly Developing Lightyear Fever From Being Cooped Up In Here Too Long With Only Each Other And Our Hormones For Company  
KANAYA: Like It Or Not You Are Growing Up  
KANAYA: We All Are  
KANAYA: And Overall I Regard You As A Very Responsible Troll And As Such I Feel You Are Capable Of Managing Your Behavior One Way Or Another  
KANAYA: And Contrary To What You Believe I Am In No Hurry To Auspicitize Between You And Dave But As Humans Have No Equivalent Relationship To Kismesitude I Will Have No Choice If Your Occasional Flips Become Full Time Antagonism   
TEREZI: 1 KNOW 1 KNOW  
TEREZI: 1 G3T 1T  
TEREZI: 1TS JUST H4RD TO TH1NK 4BOUT 1 GU3SS?  
TEREZI: 1 N3V3R THOUGHT 1 WOULD F1ND H1S 1D1OT1C S4SS 4NYTH1NG BUT CH4RM1NG  
TEREZI: BUT 1 GU3SS WH3N YOU SP3ND TOO MUCH T1M3 W1TH 4NYON3 TH3Y C4N G3T OBNOX1OUS  
TEREZI: 4ND 1 GU3SS H1S 4TT3MPTS TO PROVOK3 M3 F33L 4S THOUGH H3 1S CH4LL3NG1NG M3 NOW  
TEREZI: 1T 1S  
TEREZI: _V3RY_ FRUSTR4T1NG TO CONS1D3R  >:/   
KANAYA: I Can See How It Would Be  
KANAYA: Im Not Sure If It Helps But From What I Have Seen While Humans Are Very Poor At Articulating Their Emotions Daves Flush For You Seems Quite Genuine   
TEREZI: Y34H

You find yourself smiling for a moment, thinking of all his dumb, lovesick antics. While it's true he has a hard time going five minutes without trying to impress or outdo someone, you know there's a difference between how he asks for your attention versus Rose or Karkat's.

With Karkat it's the steady one-upmanship, the blatant rivalry that leaves you counting down the days till they admit their loyal hatred. Every day is a new test of Karkat's patience - which has grown admirably as a result - where Dave's only desire is to get Karkat to admit he's paying attention; that Dave can get to him, that his actions have bearing on Karkat's mood and life.

With Rose it's a constant dare to tell him to stop, with rare pleas for approval shamelessly mixed in. While you know they have no true concept of pale, their moiraillegiance seems obvious, if a bit lopsided due to Rose's relatively high maturity. Nearly everything stupid he does is prefaced by a "hey rose!" and a pause as he waits to gauge the danger of his planned actions based off how sardonically she replies.

But when he calls to you, it's never a dare to top or stop him, it's always an attempt at impressing you. Granted, a lot of his attempts are so laden with irony that you only know they're meant to be impressive because you're aware of how much effort went into making them _un_ impressive, but that's what makes Dave, Dave. The smile when you nod your approval may only last a quarter second, but it's long enough for you to catch, and to know no one else can and that particular expression is reserved for you.

Yeah, he's pretty hopelessly flushed for you. And if the nectarbugs floating around in your digestive sac right now are any indication, you've still got it just as bad for the coolkid as he does for you.

The smile on your face right now is pretty dopey, if Kanaya's knowing smirk is any indication.

TEREZI: Y34H 1 TH1NK YOUR3 R1GHT  
TEREZI: LUCKY1LY FOR H1M R3D 1S MY F4VOR1T3 COLOR SO H3 DO3SNT FORF31T 4NY COOL PO1NTS

You hum for a moment, mentally going through the list of "options" again. Karkat's still the only troll you can recall having any specific black inclinations toward, but that was mostly because he forced things that way. Whatever slight crush you had on Gamzee before the game, spurred on by how unflappable he always was in the face of your taunting, has long since faded into a shameful memory. You still would rather not take up hatesnogging ghosts, not that you've gotten to know any of them well enough to feel anything pitch there anyway (though sleazier Ampora has earned your platonic hatred in volumes that would earn bulk discount at Grubmart).

You guess you'll just have to take some time to think about it.

..Time.

Oh.

TEREZI: 1  
TEREZI: YOU KNOW WH4T  
TEREZI: 4R4D14 CR33PS M3 TH3 H3LL OUT MOST D4YS  
TEREZI: M4YB3 1LL T4LK TO H3R   
KANAYA: I Had Not Even Considered Her As An Option   
TEREZI: HOW MUCH THOUGHT D1D YOU PUT 1NTO MY OPT1ONS 4NYW4Y   
KANAYA: ...Not As Much As Karkat?   
TEREZI: UGH  
TEREZI: FORG3T 1 4SK3D  
TEREZI: 4LSO FORG3T 1 S41D 4NYTH1NG 4BOUT CH4LL3NG1NG H3R   
KANAYA: Please Do Not Let My Opinions Get In The Way Of Your Endeavors   
TEREZI: 1TS 4 L1TTL3 L4T3 FOR TH4T  
TEREZI: BUT 1 ONLY M34NT YOU SHOULDNT SP34K OF TH1S  
TEREZI: 1 DO NOT N33D K4RK4T SHOUT1NG 4BOUT 1T B3FOR3 1 3V3N H4V3 4 CH4NC3 TO F1GUR3 OUT 1F SH3 ONLY P1SS3S M3 OFF PL4TON1C4LLY   
KANAYA: Oh  
KANAYA: In That Case My Lips Are Sealed As Tightly As The Tolerable Makaras   
TEREZI: GOOD  
TEREZI: 1 W1LL S33 TO 1T TH1S D1SCUSS1ON IS STR1CK3N FROM COURT R3CORDS 4S W3LL

You grin at her, and she smiles approvingly in return. She may not fully appreciate your dedication to role playing your office for what it is, but she at least she knows good court humor when she hears it.

Somewhere in the back of your mind you remember FLARPing against Team Charge, and Aradia's interest in tombs and mysteries, and - over the sensation of a slight shivering tightness in your spine - you feel the sudden urge to brush up on your forensics skills.

You push yourself to your feet, snatching up a stick of cranberry-scented chalk as you do, and flash a few more of your teeth down at Kanaya.

TEREZI: H4V3 YOU 3V3R S3T UP 4 CR1M3 SC3N3 B3FOR3?

**Author's Note:**

> (I actually have no idea if things with Aradia happen even on a temporary basis. But obviously we know full well where she winds up by the time the trip is over.)


End file.
